Relationships and Love

Page 1 of 14 1, 2, 3 ... 7 ... 14  Next

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Relationships and Love

Post  0001 on 1/24/2010, 12:19

I was thinking the other day about relationships and such, and noticed a startling revalation that I totally missed before. Among our members are people with differing levels of faith, some with a fairly weak faith, and some with a very strong one. Looking at these people and how they view life I noticed something when it came to society and relationships. Some people with weaker faiths are constantly concerned about girls and relationships, they must ALWAYS have a girlfriend. In contrast, people with a strong faith, either have never dated, or are still with their first girlfriends. And really do not care about girls and always having a girlfriend. This really impressed me, it showed to me that God can work in those faithful to him. These people ignore what society tells them: That you cannot be happy single.

Relationships and love as we view them today is not what God had intended. The notion of dating is actually ludacris. The way it's supposed to work is we are to ask God to guide us, and bring the one right for us to us when the time is right. All thse casual relationships is wrong. It hurts us emotionally and is just so messed up. Relationships are meant to be serius things, with the intent of marriage at the end. Today there is no commitment, relationships are about kissing, and often sex. The soul the seriusness is missing. That is why there are so many failed relationships and marriages. Because we think we can choose a mate without God. Sometimes we get lucky, but often we do not. God is all knowing and all powerful, so why not let him be the match maker?

Love is another big issue. The true deffinition of love is between us and God. We have skewed this to mean romantic love. We also say love far to easily, it really has more depth more meaning than we give it. When we say "I love you" do we mean it? Often times not, saying we love someone means we are commited to them, that they are of the utmost importance to us. We say it so freely these days that it's lost it's luster, its true depth. We should never say we love someone, unless we are totally commited to them, and deeply mean it.

And finally this whole notion of always being in a relationship that we have whole heartedly embraced. I admit I have before fallen into this perceived guidline as well, without seing its true poisen. The fact of the matter is, romance is not meant to be casual, like a game as we so often play it. It is meant to happen only once. I've seen instances where people have given their lives to God, and asked him to do the match making. These people must wait longer to have a relationship, but when that relationship does happen, it is so deep, so meaningful, because God crafted it, not us. These people only date once, and only marry once. My parents, and both sets of grandparents are examples of this. So we need to get over this whole mindset of always having to be coupled up, God has a plan for us all, and it is far beyond our expectations. When we ignore this, we cheat God, and above all, we cheat ourselves. It's your life and you are free to make your own decisions, but as for me, I'm waiting. God has a plan for my life, and I'm going to stick to it.

_________________
"Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." -Ephesians 4:29, NLT
avatar
0001
Executive Director

Executive Director
Location : Junction City, Oregon
Posts : 4039
Sector 2

Central Command

Back to top Go down

Re: Relationships and Love

Post  Sgt Angry Egg on 1/24/2010, 23:18

I'm afraid I'm going to have to disagree with you here, Reverend. Keep in mind that no matter how vicious my rebuttals may get, I never intend personal offense.

First of all, it is an over generalization to say those of weak faith are only concerned with getting a girlfriend. Having weak faith means that whatever it may be, your prime interest is not God. It might be getting a girlfriend, but it could just as well be one's career, or money, etc.

Secondly, society tells us to be 'normal', but I don't think it says to have girlfriend. Most people just want one anyway because humans are social creatures. Everyone needs a companion, it's just instinct.

Thirdly, dating is not ludicrous. God hasn't talked through a burning bush in a long time. Also, he gave us freewill for a reason. Waiting for God to drop a girl in your lap is along the same line as the idea that we should pray to God to heal the sick rather than just taking them to a doctor and praying to God that the doctor is competent enough to help the ill person. Dating is necessary to find the person you should spend your life with. You have to look. If you truly believe that God will take care of your romantic life, then you have mistaken God for some kind of Cupid/Santa Claus hybrid.

Now, on to the subject of love. I believe this to be the fault of the English language, not the people speaking it. We simply need more words, for the different kinds of love. Romantic love, platonic love, spiritual love, etc. They have different words for it in Hebrew. When I first started dating Jazmin, we made up our own word to mean love that doesn't have as much magnitude as the word 'love', because we had just met and weren't sure about each other yet. The word we made up is 'smlarf'. As in "I smlarf you!" Feel free to use it, if you want.

That's very sweet and romantic about your parents, but you don't really offer evidence to beck yourself up. With your "romance should only happen once" statement, you are basically repeating your thoughts in the second paragraph, and thus my third rebuttal works here as well.
avatar
Sgt Angry Egg
The Voice of Reason

A6 Standard
Location : Sector 2
Posts : 456
Sector 2

SED

Back to top Go down

Re: Relationships and Love

Post  0001 on 1/24/2010, 23:39

Very true, I was a tad rushed for time and was unable to compose my thoughts in a manner that I had originally intended. I do agree with the dropping in your lap thing, but my view is that you wait for a sign, reather then just going after every girl that strikes your fancy. Also I still think dating is ludacris. My opinion is that it is better to get to know a girl on friendship terms before hand. The once you know her well, and mutually agree, then a more advanced relationship should be sought. Therefore you arn't getting to know here once you are already "more then friends" so to speak, but already know her, so that there is less guesswork involved. And yeah, that was an over generalization, but it is also a valid observation in this case. But it's not just girlfriends specifcially, I will concede that to you. Wink

_________________
"Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." -Ephesians 4:29, NLT
avatar
0001
Executive Director

Executive Director
Location : Junction City, Oregon
Posts : 4039
Sector 2

Central Command

Back to top Go down

Re: Relationships and Love

Post  Sgt Angry Egg on 1/24/2010, 23:45

Hmmm. I guess everyone has their own style. I prefer the friends->Dating->marriage setup. Although I'm not so sure if I like the idea of marriage. I just don't see the point, but that's my own little personal issue. Probably because I'm only 17.

Anyway, beings friends lets you find the people you have some chemistry with. Then, dating those people lets you find the ones that you have enough chemistry with to make long-term relationships or marriage a possibility. I think of it as a kind of sieve.
avatar
Sgt Angry Egg
The Voice of Reason

A6 Standard
Location : Sector 2
Posts : 456
Sector 2

SED

Back to top Go down

Re: Relationships and Love

Post  0001 on 1/24/2010, 23:48

Ah, from that point of view I agree with you. I guess the deffinition of the dating I am in dislike with, is the kind that skips the friendship stage, and embarks on a relationship right off the bat. And about the marriage thing, it's the holy union, the point of it is, is basically commitment, to each other, and your love for one another. But yeah, marriage is a ways off, and I'm sure you'll better understand it as you grow. Wink

_________________
"Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." -Ephesians 4:29, NLT
avatar
0001
Executive Director

Executive Director
Location : Junction City, Oregon
Posts : 4039
Sector 2

Central Command

Back to top Go down

Re: Relationships and Love

Post  Sgt Angry Egg on 1/24/2010, 23:55

My problem with that is that you can't know if you'll be in love with someone forever. I never bought into the Disney-style happily ever after thing. This is probably because my family is the opposite of yours, Ben. Divorces all the way back. And they all dated first, too, to make sure they would get along. So, I think that sometimes, love fades. I think I'm too much of a scientist. I think about love in Dopamine levels. (the chemical in your brain that basically represents love disperses dopamine in your brain. Dopamine is the 'pleasure' chemical. This is why when you are in love, it causes you pleasure to simply see your love interest.)
avatar
Sgt Angry Egg
The Voice of Reason

A6 Standard
Location : Sector 2
Posts : 456
Sector 2

SED

Back to top Go down

Re: Relationships and Love

Post  0001 on 1/25/2010, 00:03

Yes I'm familier with the physical chemical reactions we call love. Laughing Ah yes, I can see that, and love does fade, but sometimes you can find the perfect someone where your love won't fade. But yes it is quite difficult an area indeed. And I do share those sentiments. I'm just hoping and praying it'll all work out somehow, and at this point, that's about all I can do.

_________________
"Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." -Ephesians 4:29, NLT
avatar
0001
Executive Director

Executive Director
Location : Junction City, Oregon
Posts : 4039
Sector 2

Central Command

Back to top Go down

Re: Relationships and Love

Post  Cpt. Crinkle on 1/25/2010, 20:14

By the way the first stage of dating is infatuation and not love at first sight.

Cpt. Crinkle
Shot First

A6 Standard
Location : Sector 2
Posts : 1219
Sector 2

USO

Back to top Go down

Re: Relationships and Love

Post  0001 on 1/26/2010, 18:27

My basic idea of how relationships should work:
1. Get to know her, I mean really get to know her, as a friend.
2. If you both think something may be there, then start to date.
3. If the dating goes well for a loooong time, then step it up a notch.
4. If that works out, marry her.
5. Live happily ever after.

But the most important thing is to always, ALWAYS include God in this process. He's the master, and he's the one with the plan, so if you don't want to end up heartbroken, get God involved. It may require a bit more waiting overall, but the end result will be so much better. Wink


Last edited by astoriabluelegos on 1/26/2010, 23:15; edited 1 time in total

_________________
"Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." -Ephesians 4:29, NLT
avatar
0001
Executive Director

Executive Director
Location : Junction City, Oregon
Posts : 4039
Sector 2

Central Command

Back to top Go down

Re: Relationships and Love

Post  Sgt Angry Egg on 1/26/2010, 20:19

That's a very sensible view on it.
For my part, I see nothing wrong with remaining in step 3 for as long as you like, mixed with step 5.
avatar
Sgt Angry Egg
The Voice of Reason

A6 Standard
Location : Sector 2
Posts : 456
Sector 2

SED

Back to top Go down

Re: Relationships and Love

Post  0010 on 1/26/2010, 22:12

Sgt Angry Egg wrote:That's a very sensible view on it.
For my part, I see nothing wrong with remaining in step 3 for as long as you like, mixed with step 5.

But the only problem I have with that is if you date for a long time with every other girl/guy in you're contact then you'll become desensitized to who you actually like and those who are just someone you "like" and then you'll never know who's the right one for you.
avatar
0010
The Cleric

D1 Standard
Location : Oregon
Posts : 763
None

Free Agent

Back to top Go down

Re: Relationships and Love

Post  0001 on 1/26/2010, 23:17

On top of the point James presented, which is a good one, I'm sure eventually you'll want something more like kids, and we all know how generously God looks at adultry. Wink Razz

_________________
"Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." -Ephesians 4:29, NLT
avatar
0001
Executive Director

Executive Director
Location : Junction City, Oregon
Posts : 4039
Sector 2

Central Command

Back to top Go down

Re: Relationships and Love

Post  Sgt Angry Egg on 1/27/2010, 15:07

That's not true. If you liked them, you would be dating them. How can dating the person you like desensitize you from liking them?

Also, you would not date "every other girl/guy in you're contact". You would only date the one you liked at the time, because it would be stupid to date a girl you didn't like.

Finding "the right one for you" is a different process for everyone. I don't believe in 'true love', I don't believe that there is someone for everyone and when you find that someone, you will live happily ever after. For me, finding "the right one" means finding a girl I like, likes me, and who I like being with. Then, I work on our relationship and try to be the best boyfriend possible, while she tries to be as good a girlfriend as possible. This means providing emotional support, etc. By doing this, our love for each other grows. Love is like a flower you must nurture, gentlemen. Not some prize to be discovered and hoarded for all eternity as you two seem to think. This is why I think that a formal marriage is wrong. I believe that a real marriage doesn't need a certificate or a ring. What it needs is love. Real, actual love, not just infatuation. And no, I don't believe real love doesn't necessarily last forever like the fairy tale true love does.

Under this marriage-by-love view, it is perfectly acceptable to have children with someone you don't share a tax bracket with.
avatar
Sgt Angry Egg
The Voice of Reason

A6 Standard
Location : Sector 2
Posts : 456
Sector 2

SED

Back to top Go down

Re: Relationships and Love

Post  0001 on 1/27/2010, 21:23

Well true, you did raise some interesting points. And no there is not someone for everyone, only if God has that planned for you. But there really is no way to know for certain. And yes, I do agree with you're overall view of marriage, except God specifically states we must marry for it to be legit. So that's good enough for me. And if you are committed and all, why not Marry? And I personally believe that if there is one for you, and you find her, and you love her, then you're love won't diminish, and that it will last forever. Wink


P.S. Nice flower analogy btw.

_________________
"Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." -Ephesians 4:29, NLT
avatar
0001
Executive Director

Executive Director
Location : Junction City, Oregon
Posts : 4039
Sector 2

Central Command

Back to top Go down

Re: Relationships and Love

Post  Sgt Angry Egg on 1/27/2010, 21:53

It seems that, ultimately, our opinions only differ in our views on true love. I think it's transient, you think it's static. As these are opinions and cannot be 'proven' or 'disproven', I think we'll just have to agree to disagree on the nature of true love.

As a matter of curiosity, where does God state that one must be married for it to be legit?
I also would like to reiterate that my point wasn't to condone extramarital sex. I was questioning the definition of marriage itself. Do you need a minister to preside over the union? Do you just recite vows? Do you kiss at an altar? If so, what qualifications are necessary for said altar? Are marriages in other cultures recognized? Can penguins be considered as 'married', as they spend their entire lives with one partner? what about the Hadza tribe? They consider themselves married if they sleep with a partner at the same campfire for a few nights. Is that recognized as a marriage? And so on and so forth.
avatar
Sgt Angry Egg
The Voice of Reason

A6 Standard
Location : Sector 2
Posts : 456
Sector 2

SED

Back to top Go down

Re: Relationships and Love

Post  0001 on 1/27/2010, 21:59

Well put that way, there is no exact deffiniton of the actual marriage ceremony. But too be honest I'm not real knowledgable about the Bible yet. I just know that very specific guidlines about marriage are laid out somewhere because I've heard them reffered to several times. And I agree that love can vary, but I stongly think that if that person is "The One" that the love will never diminish to the point of the relationship ending.

I would also agree that love is very subjective, and differs greatly from person to person.

_________________
"Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." -Ephesians 4:29, NLT
avatar
0001
Executive Director

Executive Director
Location : Junction City, Oregon
Posts : 4039
Sector 2

Central Command

Back to top Go down

Re: Relationships and Love

Post  Sgt Angry Egg on 1/27/2010, 22:29

Hmm. When you do come across that part, be sure to let me know. It could change my view on this subject.
avatar
Sgt Angry Egg
The Voice of Reason

A6 Standard
Location : Sector 2
Posts : 456
Sector 2

SED

Back to top Go down

Re: Relationships and Love

Post  0001 on 1/27/2010, 22:33

Will do. This brings up a good point. For example to a Mando, marriage is literally a contract, a senteance with a specific answer. After it is spoken they are deemed to be married. So your question of what defines marriage is quite intriguing, as I have never really thought of it before.

_________________
"Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." -Ephesians 4:29, NLT
avatar
0001
Executive Director

Executive Director
Location : Junction City, Oregon
Posts : 4039
Sector 2

Central Command

Back to top Go down

Re: Relationships and Love

Post  Sgt Angry Egg on 1/27/2010, 22:40

I looked it up on google, and the site i found defines it as a "voluntary joining of two people". I take this to mean they are joined via love, rather than a legal contract.
avatar
Sgt Angry Egg
The Voice of Reason

A6 Standard
Location : Sector 2
Posts : 456
Sector 2

SED

Back to top Go down

Re: Relationships and Love

Post  0010 on 1/28/2010, 00:02

Sgt Angry Egg wrote:That's not true. If you liked them, you would be dating them. How can dating the person you like desensitize you from liking them?

Also, you would not date "every other girl/guy in you're contact". You would only date the one you liked at the time, because it would be stupid to date a girl you didn't like.

I was referring to the worlds systems of dating which is date every girl and find which one you like best... which almost always ends up bad because they "marry" just because they like the way the other partner looks, which is way so many divorces happen is because they didn't marry because of "true love" or w/e you want to call it.
avatar
0010
The Cleric

D1 Standard
Location : Oregon
Posts : 763
None

Free Agent

Back to top Go down

Re: Relationships and Love

Post  PoWn3d_0704 on 1/28/2010, 18:03

MAN! Where have I been?
Let me tell you guys what I know based off of experience.

1. If you become 'friends' with a girl... she will generally NOT date you. At all.

2. Sorry ben, but religion is no longer the 'center' of families. Yeah, sure... it SHOULD be... but it's NOT. Deal with it.

3. Even though I have had many Girlfriends, you, ABL, seem to give me so much crap about it, I'm almost done with your whole C.A.A. thing. You make me off as a bad person EVERY time this happens, and i'd love it if you'd knock it off. Stop thinking you're better than ANYONE, because you AREN'T. (and dont tell me that you dont think that, because THAT is based on other people's experiance... not your own.)

4. I agree with James and Egg... to an extent. you NEED to date girls, to figure out what you want out of a girl, and your relationship. If you never date.. and find the 'one' (no.. not NEO) and you figure out.... that she ISNT all you hoped... sorry BUD! you are stuck! like a duck.

5. You have to have the experience... so you know how to treat a woman. They are humans... not objects.
avatar
PoWn3d_0704
The Voice of Insanity

E1 Standard
Location : Sector 2
Posts : 963
Sector 2

SED

Back to top Go down

Re: Relationships and Love

Post  0001 on 1/28/2010, 18:28

PoWn3d_0704 wrote:MAN! Where have I been?
3. Even though I have had many Girlfriends, you, ABL, seem to give me so much crap about it, I'm almost done with your whole C.A.A. thing. You make me off as a bad person EVERY time this happens, and i'd love it if you'd knock it off. Stop thinking you're better than ANYONE, because you AREN'T. (and dont tell me that you dont think that, because THAT is based on other people's experiance... not your own.)
Well you always give me osik about my views, so you can spit it but not take it aye? And I honestly don't care what you think of me. How do I think I'm better then anyone??? scratch

Also I know religion isn't the center of households anymore, but so what? Isn't that what we're here to change? And yeah, I've heard the whole thing about being stuck in friendsville, which is often a problem yes, but I've seen it go both ways as well. Personally I'd preffer to get to know someone before I get that emotionally committed to them. Wink

_________________
"Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." -Ephesians 4:29, NLT
avatar
0001
Executive Director

Executive Director
Location : Junction City, Oregon
Posts : 4039
Sector 2

Central Command

Back to top Go down

Re: Relationships and Love

Post  PoWn3d_0704 on 1/28/2010, 18:30

Good... so get to know them. I don't even care anymore. And yes.. you do occasionally come across as... 'too good'
avatar
PoWn3d_0704
The Voice of Insanity

E1 Standard
Location : Sector 2
Posts : 963
Sector 2

SED

Back to top Go down

Re: Relationships and Love

Post  0001 on 1/28/2010, 18:33

Well isn't that the point? I'm Christian, I'm supposed to be 'too good'. Wink

Look, the reason why I can't do the whole dating thing is because I become WAY to emotionally attached, and the emotional ride of constant breakups and such would destroy me mentally. It may work for some people, just not for me. lol Sure dating does work, sometimes, but it takes a lot longer in general, and has a lot more problems IE. all the breakups and stuff lately.

_________________
"Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." -Ephesians 4:29, NLT
avatar
0001
Executive Director

Executive Director
Location : Junction City, Oregon
Posts : 4039
Sector 2

Central Command

Back to top Go down

Re: Relationships and Love

Post  PoWn3d_0704 on 1/28/2010, 18:37

Man up. Everyone else does it.. it's called a life experience.
avatar
PoWn3d_0704
The Voice of Insanity

E1 Standard
Location : Sector 2
Posts : 963
Sector 2

SED

Back to top Go down

Re: Relationships and Love

Post  Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Page 1 of 14 1, 2, 3 ... 7 ... 14  Next

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum